NaNoWriMo and then a five-day trip to Toronto got me all backed up over here. Sometimes I don’t write when I hate an episode, but I liked both “How to Win Friends” and “Death’s Door”, so let’s get to it, shall we?

Episode 7.09 was written by my favorite Supernatural writer, Ben Edlund. I love how he veers from ridiculous to horrifying so easily, and makes me believe every second of it. So we start out with the mauling of a non-camper camper type (I believe in tents and sleeping bags on the ground when you camp, that’s how we did it when I was a kid, dammit!) which brings our beloved Winchesters and Mr. Bobby Singer to the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, which always makes me think of  The Sopranos, in search of the Jersey Devil.

Needless to say, this is not the work of the mythical Jersey Devil. And I could go on and on, because this episode is pretty twisty and turny considering we start out in the Pine Barrens and end up in a shootout with leviathan Dick Roman at some distribution warehouse, and since we have already seen the episode that follows this one… well, I don’t need to spend a lot of time on this one. The gist of it all is that the leviathan have spiked Dean’s new favorite sandwich with some kind of grey, gooey revolting-ness that sedates people, making them easier to eat, I assume. Although DoctorLeviathan had a few failures, like the zombie-like guy who attacked the campers, and AngryBrendan waiting tables at Biggerson’s.

Awesome gruesome: The night our trio of heroes go a-huntin’ for whatever is eating people in the woods, they meet one crazy zombie! Which leads us to one of the best, old school autopsies ever! along with some silly, not so grumpy anymore Dean dialogue (I firmly believe that Edlund LOVES to write Dean). My favorite bit being the cat head in the zombie stomach (“You got to be damn hungry to eat a cats head”). EWWW.

So, after some sleuthing and the sobering up of Dean, Bobby gets snatched on the roof of the leviathan hideout and teased by Dick Roman. Our lovely Winchesters come to the rescue, of course, leaving Bobby a moment to rifle through Dicks’ plans, finding out what those plans really are, and melting a bunch of leviathan faces in the meantime.

A little more villian blah blah, and Bobby runs out to the awaiting getaway van, and Dean peals outta there with Dick running behind pulling off a few rounds in their direction. As they speed away, Dean and Sam giddy with their escape, they realize that Bobby, who hasn’t said a thing since they sped off, has been shot in the head.

And I yell “Noooooo!” at my TV as the executive producer title card pops up.

“Death’s Door” starts right up where we left off, with a zoom into Bobby’s hole in his head, and I have to say I was totally confused at first, with the scene in the Pine Barrens from the previous episode, even if I recognized that it was a little different than the original. It’s a pretty clever way of introducing us to Bobby’s brain, show, and we get an awesome episode traveling through Bobby’s rapidly dying brain.

The conceit, brought to us by Rufus (Hi Rufus!!), is that if Bobby can dig deep enough into his gin-soaked brain, he can find a door out and save himself from death, or at the very least, get the cryptic info he got from Dick’s desk to the brothers (and OMG, another one of my shows with cryptic numbers?). Unfortunately, Bobby has a reaper on his tail who informs Bobby that he is in a coma and dying and he might as well just come along, and we all know those guys don’t give up once they’ve got a bead on you.

Meanwhile, our sorrowful Winchesters stomp and cry in the hospital as they begin to realize that they are going to lose their second Daddy. Dean is not taking it well, as to be expected, harassing the poor organ donor guy and such, while Sammy resorts to his now fall back tic, shoving his nail into his palm to make sure that this isn’t all some horrible, horrible hallucination. It’s pretty sad. I hate to see those boys in pain, and now that they seem to have finally repaired their relationship, they have to deal with this. Why are the writers so mean to them?

Anyway, we get quite the tour of Mr. Singers head, ending with youngBobby shooting his abusive drunk of a dad dead, dead, dead right before he smacks his Mom into oblivion. Nice move, youngBobby, I approve. This is enough to get nowBobby to wake up on his deathbed just long enough to get the numbers to Sammy, and call the boys “idjits” in his fatherly way, and flat line right in front of those lovely boys eyes.

The screen goes black, exec. producer title card, aaaand… Bobby’s dead? For realsies?? Not sure. It would be very Supernatural of them to finally kill off Bobby. Amazing he’s lasted this long, actually. But then again, this is a show where dead people show up all the time, and people escape death countless times, so who knows.  We certainly won’t until January (damn you, holiday hiatuses!).

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By Stu Robinson,

In the past, I’ve observed that episodes of CBS’s new Hawaii Five-O come in two varieties: those devoted to revealing the back stories of Steve McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) and the three other main characters; and those that simply serve up a crime for them to solve. But Episodes 16 & 17 made me realize that I might have painted that with too broad a brush.

Two observations:

• Among those that focus on a crime du jour, there are two sub-genres that I call “procedural” and “pursuit.” In the former, the protagonists – and the viewers – have a mystery to solve. In the latter, the threat is clear and it’s a race against time.
• Some episodes blend the various genres and sub-genres. The main plot may be a mystery while the secondary plot advances one of the back stories.

That is the case with Episode 16, in which McGarrett, Chin Ho and Kono engage in a pursuit while Danno splits off to deal with a situation involving his daughter and ex-wife.

The story starts with a bang – literally. Federal witness Julie Adelman (Mariana Klaveno) is on the run in the jungle after her U.S. marshal protector is gunned down by assassins posing as Honolulu police officers. This prompts ex-Navy SEAL McGarrett to go all Rambo as he and Chin Ho plunge into the jungle to rescue the witness and take down the killers. The clock is ticking; Julie must testify later in the day or the case involving her will be dismissed. They find her before the assassins, and McGarret orders Chin Ho to escort her to the courthouse while he continues the hunt. By the end of the journey, Chin Ho and Julie are exchanging smoldering glances, but it’s already been established that she is headed for the witness-protection program. (Maybe she’ll pop up on USA Network’s In Plain Sight.) Back at Five-O headquarters, Kono attempts to identify the “cleaner,” a sort-of insurance assassin tasked with killing the target and the other hit men if the initial attempt fails.

Meanwhile, Danno is concerned about his daughter, Grace, and ex, Rachel, after their vehicle is carjacked. When the car, normally driven by Rachel’s husband, Stan, is recovered within an hour without any of its contents taken, Danno becomes suspicious. When he takes Grace and Rachel home and finds their mansion ransacked, again with nothing taken, Danno is convinced that Stan has gotten himself into trouble and is being sent a message. Rachel thinks Danno just has it in for Grace’s stepfather. We finally meet “the Stan” and get a glimpse into the stepfamily dynamic when Danno picks him up at the airport for heart-to-heart chat. Turn out Stan has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle, which Danno resolves in an overly simplified manner.

The plots intersect only once. McGarrett has disabled one of assassins with a jungle booby trap and is about to perform field surgery on the guy when he receives a phone update from Danno and improbably stops to counsel his partner about anger management before Danno confronts Stan.

While Episode 16 was generally a pursuit episode, Episode 17 was more procedural. After a group of partying college students is kidnapped from a tourist catamaran, the team must identify the pirates and rescue the hostages. This premise not only enables the cameras to appreciate buff young adults in swimwear but also opens the way for buff, young guest stars – in this case Nick Lachey and fiancée Vanessa Minnillo.

When the hostages’ parents arrive on the island, the most troublesome is portrayed by the incomparable Ray Wise (Twin Peaks, Reaper). That’s an opportunity for a possible red herring, as viewers are likely to assume he’s the bad guy because of his previous roles. It’s also an opportunity for product placement, as McGarrett orders his team to “set up a holding area at the Hilton.”

But the episode does give viewers a chance to figure things out at home. I admit, my own suspicions were confirmed at the conclusion.

Final Thoughts

• Expect the stunt casting and the storyline involving Danno and his ex to continue. Previews for tonight’s Episode 17 show comedian Dane Cook, playing Danno’s brother, at a restaurant sharing stories with Danno, Rachel and their daughter, Grace.
• The Feb. 18, 2011, issue of USA Today included a lengthy feature story on Hawaii Five-O that discussed the show’s ratings success and how it has moved beyond the original series by delving into the characters’ back stories. It also cites the writers’ use of humor, particularly in the car bickering between McGarrett and Danno, which the crew have dubbed “carguments.”

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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I’ve fallen rather behind both in my television viewing and in my blogging, so I thought I’d catch up with a few things today, seeing as I don’t have access to HBO this weekend and can’t watch True Blood until tomorrow, at the earliest.

First up: Reaper.

I did so love this show.

I’ve said about 8 gazillion times how perfectly cast Ray Wise was as Satan, so I’ll try to keep that to a minimum today.

But I absolutely am going to miss seeing him with those piercing blue eyes, impeccably combed hair and blinding white smile, making mischief in people’s lives now that Reaper‘s off the air.

Like most of the shows I watch these days, I caught up with most of Season 2 in marathon viewings on my DVR. Over three, maybe four nights, I watched the entire season and enjoyed it as much as ever.

Ben’s relationship with Nina the demon was terribly sweet, on both their parts. Satan’s other son Morgan was a lot more like dear old dad, but man did he have no work ethic. Whatever you might be able to say of Beelzebub, he sure does work for a living. And he does appreciate Sam’s ability and drive to get the job done. Which, of course, is ironic considering he’s been a slacker his entire life and works as a clerk in some nameless conglomerate.

And how could we forget Sock’s stint as Wrenchy Bench, culiminating in him beating the crap out of his rival, who turns out to be an old woman? Ah, good times.

The whole storyline of Sam’s dad being undead (yet not a zombie, dammit!) and living in a freezer in their garage was, admittedly, rather odd. And Sock’s storyline of lust and love with his stepsister was … OK, it was downright weird and justalittlebit icky, though I can’t truly say why.

The dead end of Sam being able to get out of hell when Satan recaptures the one soul who managed to get out of his deal with the devil, then Sam’s dad going to the 8th circle and then Gladys (wait, why the hell didn’t they use her a lot more this season? That chick is FUNNY.) helping to translate and the demon who managed to make his way back to heaven having mistranslated it and then breaking Sam’s hand so he can’t win his bet with the very vain Satan. Sorry, it made me a little dizzy. Those sorts of storyline are always a little troublesome, as they would spell the end of a series if they ever came true.

But the series came to an end anyhow, sadly, though the very last few minutes made me scratch my head and say out loud, “WTF?” Except that I didn’t use the initials. I said the three words.

When Steve’s wings come out and he ascends to heaven, but first bringing a whole angel light show, I really didn’t know what to think. Was that really how they wanted to end it? Did they have something in mind? WHAT WERE THEY DOING? WTF????

Still, sad to see the show go. I totally enjoyed it and laughed out loud at least a couple times each episode.

OK, then we have Kings:

I still get angry when I think about the show’s cancellation. It’s a fascinating look at power and what it takes to be in power and Ian McShane could read a phone book and I’d be enthralled (I know I’ve said that previously, but it’s still true).

It’s only gotten more interesting as it’s gone on. We know that the king and his queen aren’t quite the happy couple they appear to be. The royal brother-in-law is a bad guy, mostly, but not totally. The princess is one of those do-gooder types, but seems to truly have her heart in what she does. The prince is actually gay, but he can’t be if he wants to be king, which he does more than anything else on the entire planet it seems.

And then we have our David, who somehow, just somehow, always manages to make the right decision, even in the midst of making the wrong decision. His belief in what he does and says is so pervasive and overwhelming that no one can really disagree with him, even when they totally disagree with him.

He is also the one anointed, it seems, by God to follow in the king’s footsteps. A footsoldier who managed to work his way up to the highest office in the land. And why? Because of the butterflies.

OK, I’ll admit, the butterflies are a bit … weird. Except that they are also a metaphor for transformation.

So what might have happened if Kings had continued?

I can’t even imagine that it wouldn’t have continued to be utterly enthralling. See my comment about McShane, above. And all the characters have so many layers, that it could have been so many things to so many people: a period piece on the price of power, an allegory for David & Goliath, a nighttime soap. A little bit for everyone.

Instead, NBC canned it and is giving us 5 primetime hours a week of Jay Leno, 3 of one of the Law & Orders, 2 of The Biggest Loser and a fourth season of Heroes, which is TOTALLY past its prime.

Sigh. At least there’s still The Office and 30 Rock on Thursdays, but c’mon, NBC.

And then there’s Harper’s Island:

I put it on my “to watch” list solely on the pedigree: It came from the good folks who brought us Jericho, and that made me want to give it a chance.

You know what? It was a heckuva lot of fun, lots of thrills and chills and suspense. The music was great, the casting well-done (virtually all new folks, only a couple of faces I even recognized, including Harry Hamlin – who, by the way, has aged quite a lot since LA Law).

I’m not sure what they would have done had it been renewed; my understanding was that it might have been another locale with a different backstory, but then I’m not sure how it would have still been called Harper’s Island.

But various Jericho folks have shows on the fall schedule: Human Target, written by Jon Steinberg, and The Forgotten, starring my favorite deputy, Bob Stephenson. The Jericho team is far too talented to be left behind for long, and each new show they create will have a built-in audience to start. Not every showrunner can boast that.

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As it is with every year, a whole bunch of science fiction-y shows were canceled at the end of the season, but I have to give it to the networks for trying a bunch of new ones next year.

It was so hard to keep track of the comings and goings during the upfronts, but SciFi Wire thankfully charted it all in a very understandable fashion.

The clear winner, IMHO, is Fox.

Sure, Fox canceled Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, better known as TSCC because it’s a lot freakin’ shorter. But it did keep Dollhouse around for at least another 13 episodes. (Side note: This comic is probably a bit too close to reality for comfort when it comes to how the decision was made.) I’m thinking that Fox didn’t feel like incurring the wrath of the Whedonverse again, whereas TSCC ended at a spot that could full well be the series’ end. (Not that I wouldn’t have loved to see where it would have picked up in the fall.)

Fox also kept Fringe, which is one of my favorite shows. So the net gets brownie points for that. It’s also picked up Human Target and Past Life, each for 13 episodes and for midseason.

Human Target is based on a D.C. comic book and focuses on a guy who goes undercover, basically, as his clients whose lives have been threatened. It was written by Jonathan Steinberg, who was the co-creator of the late Jericho.

I’m not sure I completely understand the premise of Past Life, and the description on Zap2It didn’t help much, but from what I can tell, it’s about a bunch of investigators who solve crimes by dredging up their clients’ long-lost memories. Whether that means memories of dead clients or memories of past lives for solving cold cases or just stuff people have forgotten, I’m not quite clear on. I’m guessing it’s one of the first two, otherwise the whole “science fiction” aspect of it is lost on me.

NBC is second in the science fiction Olympics, though it canceled more sci-fi-ish shows from this season than it has old and new ones put together. Off the schedule: Knight Rider, My Own Worst Enemy, Kings (I still haven’t forgiven them for that decision) and Medium (which CBS decided to pick up).

But it decided to renew Chuck (midseason) and Heroes (really? Talk about a show past its prime, despite it having been around for only 3 seasons) and has three new shows, though two of them are summer series: Day One, The Listener and Merlin.

Day One sounds the most promising to me, what with its post-apocalyptic Melrose Place-ian-ish-ness. Of course, that means it stands an excellent chance of not succeeding.

The Listener is about a paramedic who can read minds, it seems. And Merlin – well, if you can’t guess what it’s about, you need to go back and read King Arthur.

ABC lost more than it’s gained, but it has one of the best sci-fi shows ever: Lost. This is the show’s last season, though, so hopefully one of the new shows will pick up the mantle. Canceled were Cupid, Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies and Life on Mars (which is the only one of the four I cared about; I tried to like Pushing Daisies, but it was just too precious for me).

But it has V, a remake of one of my favorite miniseries ever. I’m sorry the guy originally responsible for it isn’t involved, and I’d sure like to see Michael Ironside in it, but what is he now, 65, 70? I have great hopes for it, especially if they redo the hybrid alien baby and don’t use a really lame puppet.

ABC also is trying out Eastwick and Flash Forward.

Now, Eastwick is based on the John Updike novel The Witches of Eastwick, which was quite memorably adapted into a movie starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon and Jack Nicholson. I tried reading the book at one point but it was a bit too dated and I just couldn’t hack my way through it. I’m willing to give the show a shot, though.

Flash Forward has a lot of promise, though, with a premise in which the entire world blacks out and glimpses 2 minutes and 17 seconds of an undetermined time in each person’s own future. It’s based on a book, whose author is even writing one of the episodes. It’s being written as if it will be five seasons of 22 episodes apiece and could become a worthy successor to Lost, if it catches on.

CBS gave up on two shows: Eleventh Hour and The Ex-List, but kept Ghost Whisperer and snagged NBC’s cast-off Medium. That’s all.

The CW kept Smallville and Supernatural. Though this season is likely to be the final season of SPN, that’s great news they decided to keep it on. But it killed Valentine and Reaper, the latter of which I mourn deeply. I still have three or four episodes on my DVR, so I still have more Reaper to see.

It’s airing the new show Vampire Diaries, though, which I’d imagine might be a good pair with SPN. It’s based on a pre-Twilight series of books, The CW would like you to know, thankyouverymuch. It’s about a girl who can’t decide between two vampire brothers – one good, one evil, of course. They’re battling for her and the souls of all the people in her small town.

So that’s it. Of course, there will be some shows on SyFy, USA, FX, AMC and a whole other slew of acronyms, but these are the big five, so to speak.

Which shows are you looking forward to, and which ones will you miss the most?

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OK, I guess the TV seasons before most people had televisions were worse, but this season was for the birds, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

The four major networks (that’d be CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox – sorry CW) lost an average of 16 percent of viewership in the coveted “demo” – adults 18-49. That includes DVR use.

Fox was on top, followed by CBS, ABC and NBC. But “on top” still includes a steep drop.

Why is this?

A whole mess of things.

First off, a lot of people are watching online – legally and illegally (Hulu an example of the former, BitTorrent an example of the latter). I know some folks who don’t have televisions, even, and only watch what they like online.

Second, a lot of people watch on DVR, but not within that 7-day window included in ratings. For example, my husband and I haven’t watched Season 2 of Damages yet. The entire season is sitting there on our DVR. We just finished up the entire first seasons of Dollhouse and Better off Ted in a few days in marathon viewing sessions. (I’ll be writing about BoT in a couple days). I still have episodes of Reaper, the season finale of Supernatural and Sunday’s episode of Breaking Bad on my DVR, waiting for me to have a chance to sit down and watch ‘em.

Then there’s the whole DVD experience, too. A few years ago, we caught up on the first two seasons of Alias by borrowing them from the library. I’ve been watching Season 1 of Torchwood on DVD, a Christmas present.

The ratings were as of Wednesday night, which marked the “official” end of the TV season. Did you even know that? Didn’t think so.

There is no such thing as a TV season anymore. We just were treated to a third season of Burn Notice this winter, and another one is coming this summer. Some shows never start until “midseason” (24, American Idol, Lost). Others bounce around the scheduling calendar (Battlestar Galactica, Kyle XY).

Yet the ratings system, other than adding the DVR and DVR+7 ratings into the mix, hasn’t changed in forever.

It’s time to change. We’ve lost too many good shows (Jericho, Kings) to the poor way ratings are measured. All the networks own multiple stations now; if the ratings for Kings are too low for NBC proper, why not send it on over to USA or even SyFy?

C’mon. The Nielsen ratings are so … 1980s.

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I’m glad I took a day to think about the season finale, because my thoughts and theories about last night’s Lost have evolved over the past 24 hours.

So let me just get right into it and tell you the absolutely bat-guano crazy idea I have.

OK, so it starts off with the idea that we’re dealing with gods of a sort. Whether Jacob or the Other Guy is The God or a god or some variation does not matter. So if one is, for the sake of argument, God, then the other is the Devil or a devil or a demon. But not in the red skin/horns on head/flaming underworld sense of the word.

I realized the sense I mean that in is, oddly enough, the same sort of Satan as on Reaper. Not in the jokey joke sense, of course, but I remember back in Reaper’s first season, there was an episode where Ray Wise’s Satan talks about true love. His one true love was God. Satan and his minions were all fallen angels. They never wanted to leave Heaven.

So let me get back to what I was saying – Jacob and Other Guy are God and the Devil.

But who is God?

I say Other Guy is, and Jacob is the Devil figure.

Other Guy, in that opening scene with the Black Rock out at sea, was very Old Testament-y. You know, the God who kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden; the God who made all the quibbling folks at the Tower of Babel suddenly speak all sorts of different languages and have to disperse across the globe; the God who flooded the planet, killing almost everyone.

He sounded like it, to me – “It always ends the same.” (Which, by the way, is the entire conceit of the series – no matter where you go, there you are: You can’t change the past or, in the case of the Losties back in 1977, the future.) He was angry at humans.

Jacob, on the other hand, was much more forgiving of humanity – “It’s all progress.” “It only ends once.”

Why wouldn’t Other Guy be able to kill Jacob? (He couldn’t after all, he had to have Ben do it.) Same reason God couldn’t kill Lucifer.

Now, there are plenty of reasons why this theory doesn’t make any sense.

First and foremost, Richard’s response when Ilana asked, “What lies in the shadow of the statue?”

According to all the Lost sites that had translations this morning, he says, “Ille qui nos omnes servabit” – Latin for “He who will protect (save?) us all.”

Now, by no one’s definition is that very Devilish. Strike One against my theory.

However, in Jacob’s travels, he basically did or said what he needed to in order to get whom he needed to the island. Sure, he told a young Kate never to steal again, but he also enabled a young James Ford/Sawyer/LaFleur to write the letter that set him on his path to becoming a top-notch conman. He brought Locke back to life, caused Sayid’s wife, Nadia, to be run over by a car.

Score me.

Strike 2 against me – The assertion of Ilana and her crew that they’re the good guys.

Lapidus had a good point, though: The people who go out of their way to tell you how good they are usually aren’t. Score me.

Strike 3? My theory is completely bat-guano crazy. Totally, utterly and completely crazy.

What I have going for my theory? It’s Lost. Bat-guano crazy is the lingua franca.

OK, so here are my other thoughts about the season finale:

• Jack & Co. caused The Incident. Duh. Juliet’s gotta be dead, but I think that the bomb going off with the energy pocket just knocks our friends straight into the future.

• I so totally cried when Sawyer lost his grip on Juliet and she fell to the bottom of the shaft, causing Sawyer to let loose an anguished cry of emotional pain from the depths of his soul. Seriously, Sawyer loved Juliet. He was drawn to Kate, but he never loved her like that. I agree with the folks who wish that Kate had fallen to her death instead.

• Jacob didn’t try to make Ben feel better when he looked for validation, despite the fact that if he’d said pretty much one thing to convince Ben he was important, Ben never would have stabbed Jacob. Jacob knew he was gonna die the second he saw the two of them. “You found your loophole.”

• Rose and Bernard and Vincent! Yay! Someone sent out a tweet this morning saying her theory is that the “Adam and Eve” skeletons the Losties found back in Season 1 in the caves were Rose and Bernard. I like that theory, because it means they lived their lives ’til they didn’t, and on their own terms. Good for them. Side note: Who else laughed when Rose said, “Not you!” when she saw who was on her beach? Show of hands, please.

• The Others are the folks who were on the Black Rock when it somehow found the island. (Not an original theory, but last night pretty much cemented it for me.)

• We have to wait until 2010 for the rest of it? Can’t frakkin’ wait.

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Got the bad news this a.m. that Life on Mars has been canceled by ABC.

I’ve said before that the show’s totally worth watching just for Harvey Keitel and Michael Imperioli. I wish more people had given it a shot.

The good news, Variety says, is that ABC is going to air the show’s entire run, which entails 5 more episodes, so the show gets to wrap up properly. Site io9 says it will wrap up the rest of the series online, but I’m not clear on where that info comes from, now having read the Variety article (the link in my first sentence).

At least I’m getting back one of my other all-time favorite television characters tonight: Ray Wise as Satan in Reaper.

In fact, one of my all-time favorite quotes (not just TV quotes, just quotes, period) emanated from his lips:

You’re just upset because you’re realizing the weakness of your species: The most untrustworthy and unreliable creatures on this earth. Except for bears.

He paused, ever so slightyl, before that last bit, and I guffawed when he said it.

Thank you, Ray Wise, for bringing a little laughter into my life each week. You are the BEST SATAN EVER.

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