My DVR most likely hates me. It does its duty, and does it well, but I just keep adding more and more shows to it. I wouldn’t be surprized if it slides itself off the television one night and strangles me in my sleep.

JJ Abrams can do just about anything and I will tune in with fangirly glee. I am that easy. I do, however, have the sense to expect a big pile of crap along with my glee. No point in having wild expectations, only to have them dashed against The Rock.

Three episodes of Alcatraz have aired so far, and I am finding it pretty entertaining. We have a secret lair (which is mighty inconvenient with all that water surrounding it, if you ask me), some kind of selective time traveling, Hurley being the smart one, Sam Neill just being awesome by being Sam Neill, and for all of you out there who miss Lost, some potential numbers shenanigans. Personally, I don’t think the numbers mean anything this go around, but I thought Fringe was just gonna be a X-Files rehash, so what do I know?

Looks as though each episode will be the appearance of one of the inmates , and our heroes tracking them down. The first two reappeared inmates seemed to have some sort of directive to get something done. Sylvane got a big-ass key from some poor guy, and Cobb shot whatsherface (what? I don’t know names yet!) totally on purpose. This last guy, while insanely CREE-PEE, didn’t seem to have a job to do, and he ended up dead, dead, dead. I wonder how many people thought, like I did, that when they brought that dead guy back to NewAlcatraz, and handed him over to the apparently perpetual Alcatraz doc, that there would be a shot to the neck or something, and the guy would be brought back to life. Anyone? Just me?

Much like Fringe in its early days, Alcatraz seems to be only okay with the MOW stories, but really interesting with the set up of its mythology. I love this kind of storytelling, and I hope that the audience has the patience for us to get to know these characters and find out what the hell is going on.

I love New York City. I lived in Brooklyn for 12 years and I miss the damn place on a regular basis.

I adore Kiefer. I own all eight seasons of 24 (including the TV movie, ‘Redemption’). I even sorta, kind of stalked the man not once, but twice on the streets of NYC.

So Fox, a network I keep wanting to hate, handed me me a shiny new show that not only takes place in my beloved city, but stars a lovely and awesome (as usual) Kiefer. Touch.

Now this show made me nervous. I want to laud anything Kiefer is in, but this sucker is from Tim Kring who gave us Heroes, which started out as a fantastic show, and devolved into one hot mess.  The man has great ideas, but seems to have trouble following through.

As far as I’m concerned, so far so good. Was the twisty, turny-ness a little convoluted? Yup. Do I care? Nope. Give me something fantastical to believe in and I will happily jump on board. I was worried that this was gonna be an hour of SadDadKiefer, but there were some nice, light moments, and Kiefer had plenty of edge to keep the character from falling over into self-indulgent woes-is-me’s. And the moment at the end, in the rain, on the cel tower? I teared right up. Well played, sirs!

I liked Touch, and am excited to see if they can pull this off week to week. Unfortunately, we’re gonna have to wait until March(!!) to get our next taste. But you know me, I will sit patiently for another dose of Kiefer-ness.

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By Stu Robinson,

Episodes 8 and 9 of CBS’ new Hawaii Five-0 were little more than filler. Neither advanced any of the ongoing story lines; in fact, the only back story to come up at all was Danno’s housing saga. Neither episode advanced the McGarrett family subplot; neither mentioned Danno’s budding romance with the hot museum curator.

Episode 8 involved a terminal cancer patient killing a Customs agent to protect his supply of alternative medicines – only to find out that the doctor behind the non-traditional regimen was a quack. Episode 9, after several red herrings, came down to a plastic surgeon trying to cover up a botched procedure. So if there was any common theme, it was … beware of doctors?

Episode 8

In the series’ latest example of stunt casting, Episode 8 reunited Masi Oka, who plays crazy coroner Max Bergman, with former Heroesco-star Greg Grunberg, who played the dead Customs

Greg Grunberg, Masi Oka's co-star from "Heroes" guest stars as a Customs and Immigration official.

agent’s boss, Jeff Morrison. The writers tried to wink at the actors’ former relationship, but the attempt fell flat.

Max: “Do I know you?”
Morrison: “No. I don’t think so.”
Max: “Yes, I think we’ve met before.”
Morrison: “No. I think I would’ve remembered a guy like you.”
Max: “Well, I’m rarely wrong about previous human encounters.”

Huh? [Cue crickets chirping.]

Other notable moments:

• Max has traded in his VW Thing (seen in the season premiere); his WARP 9 license plate is now affixed to a bright yellow Chevy Camaro.
• Kono tells Chin Ho that she’s now okay with him dating his ex-fiancée, Malia. That was fast. But Kono also is back to flirting with her favorite lab tech: “Thanks, Fong. You’re a geek god.”
• In a shoutout to America’s Customs and Immigration agents, Morrison gives the victim’s posthumous award of valor to McGarrett, who hangs it in his office at Five-0 headquarters.

Less notable was the idea of the team four-wheeling into the jungle in search of a ditched parachute – and finding it. Equally lame was the cherry picker poorly disguised as a branch that Lori used to recover the chute.

Episode 9

The intro is an adrenaline-pumping high-speed car chase that ends with the suspect escaping but the police finding a body in the trunk of another car.

[Cue the boffo Hawaii Five-0 theme.]

Danno, now reduced to sleeping on McGarrett’s couch due to “black mold” in his crappy apartment, is driving his host crazy by keeping the TV on and loud through the night. Why? He can’t stand the sound of waves crashing into the shore, which he calls “Hawaiian water torture.” The ensuing argument is interrupted, of course, by the call to action. And so begins the search for the victim’s identity.

While not as bad as the previous episode, the ensuing plot won’t end up in the H50 Hall of Fame. The victim turns out to be a witness to organized crime who left the U.S. Marshals’ protection program after two of his fellow witnesses turned up dead. (Head scratcher: If they were all in witness protection, how would he know?) We’re fed a scenario, complete with Boston Irish hit men, in which the victim’s past caught up with him – except the hit men still are looking for him, which means they obviously didn’t kill him. Turns out he died during facial-reconstruction surgery and the doctor tried to cover it up.

The show does delve into the world of vintage muscle cars, and the folks who steal them.

During an outdoor car show in an oceanside park, Lori must go undercover. She pulls up in a classic Ford Mustang and steps out wearing a tank top, tight leather pants and stripper-style

Lori goes under cover at a car show as bait for thieves.

plastic high heels. In the past, it’s always been Kono who had to vamp it up under cover; she finally gets to register her opinion of all those cheesecake scenes.

Lori: “I still think Kono would’ve looked way hotter in this outfit.”
Kono: “Sorry Sister, I did my time undercover. Now it’s on you.”

Never mind that Lori, a transfer from Homeland Security, likely has much more time on the books than rookie cop Kono. But the latter gets to display her bad-ass cop credentials later in the show when she reprises her stone-cold sharpshooting skills she used in Season 1, Episode 12 to take down Victor Hesse.

Even more gratuitous, the writers populate the car show with myriad bikini-clad onlookers. While the scene was by the ocean, it was not on a beach. And most of the women I know, even ones who are walking advertisements for the bikini industry, cover up with shorts or a sarong when they step off the sand.

Kamekona and Max again provide the comic relief.

The way that Taylor Wily uses facial expressions and body language makes it almost unnecessary for Kamekona, the giant shave ice/shrimp vendor, to utter lines. And I had to laugh when he gave Chin Ho and Kono a Spam-scented air freshener for their car.

Max may be relying a bit too much on silly costumes. After dressing up like Inspector Gadget in Episode 2 and Keanu Reeves from The Matrix in Episode 7, he appears as Danny (the John Travolta character) from Grease at the end of this episode. Of course, that allowed the writers to add a second bit of Lori cheesecake, dressing her up as Sandy (the Olivia Newton-John character).

The writers also went to the well again with a final scene in which McGarrett fills in the blanks for the victim’s girlfriend. They used this same approach in Season 1, Episode 22 (a/k/a the Rick Springfield episode) – and possibly other times, it seems so familiar.

What the writers didn’t do is tell us who led the cops on the chase in the opening scene, or why.

Closing Note

Both episodes were put to shame by the “scenes from next week” at the end of Episode 9.

McGarrett! In North Korea! With Jenna Kaye and Wo Fat! And Jimmy Buffett?

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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By Stu Robinson,

It took me a few days to recover from whiplash following the season premiere of CBS’ Hawaii Five-0.

No, not really. It just seemed like it.

I went into the Season 2 premiere wondering how the H50 writers could resolve last season’s cliff-hanger in a remotely plausible fashion. While I keep the emphasis on “remotely,” they did come up with a narrative to get the band back together for a second season — even if it involved brand new characters, suddenly revealed back stories and those whiplash-inducing reversals.

Last season’s cliffhanger left the Five-0 team in an existential crisis. McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) was under arrest, accused of shooting the governor; Chin Ho (Daniel Dae Kim) was the Honolulu Police SWAT commander who arrested him; Kono (Grace Park) was being booked in the $10 million heist from last season’s Episode 12; and Danno (Scott Caan) seemed powerless to do anything about it all.

Cue the children’s choir at the governor’s funeral. To the sound of the choir, we see a montage of:

• Actor Terry O’Quinn, Kim’s former castmate from Lost, walking off military cargo plane wearing camouflage fatigues and being greeted by Danno;
• Kono sitting on a surfboard looking pensive (in a red bikini — yeah writers!);
• former CIA analyst and Five-0 ally Jenna Kaye (Larisa Oleynik) scrolling through evidence pictures on a laptop;
• McGarrett doing push-ups in a jail cell.

Back at the funeral, Chin Ho stands in a police honor guard scanning the mourners. He makes eye contact with Wo Fat (Mark Dacascos), and afterward accosts the criminal mastermind in the requisite macho confrontation.

Summoned to meet a visitor, McGarrett finds Danno waiting. Their initial exchange recalls two of Season 1′s running gags, their bickering and Danno’s attire:

• Danno: “Why are you you smiling at me?”
• McGarrett: “You’re not wearing a tie. It suits you.”
• Danno: “No, I’m not wearing a tie, because there’s no dress code for an out-of-work cop.”

Danno then yields to O’Quinn, whose first line to McGarrett is,“Let me guess: The governor had it coming.” O’Quinn’s character, Lt. Cmdr. Joe White, is identified as the man who trained McGarrett. Our hero dutifully calls him “sir.”

Next we see McGarrett in the jail’s exercise yard, where he is confronted by Victor Hesse (James Marsters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Caprica and Smallville), the man who killed McGarrett’s father in the Season 1 premiere. After a lengthy fight, Hesse stabs McGarrett in the gut, then speaks to him urgently, though his words are inaudible to the audience.

Cut to boffo theme song.

Confronted later in his cell by Danno and Chin Ho, Hesse explains that he stabbed McGarrett in a non-lethal way so he could escape. There is a quick cut and, sure enough, we see a bleeding McGarrett escape from an ambulance. Turns out Hesse is employing the same strategy tried by Sang Min (Will Yun Lee) in the penultimate episode of Season 1.

• Hesse: “I may be a soulless bastard, detective, but I’m no fool. Wo Fat is making one last deal. Then he’s going to disappear. But he’s not going to do that without tying up loose ends.”
• Danno: “Loose ends. By that you mean you, right.”
• Hesse: “Unless McGarrett kills him first.”

Filling Some Blanks

Among the evidence from Papa McGarrett’s toolbox, White recognizes a photo of a military decoration. He recognizes it as having been awarded to a Japanese pilot for bombing Pearl Harbor. White relates that the pilot later became wealthy and moved to Oahu hoping to make amends. He gave the medal to McGarrett, and later hired him to investigate corruption in the Honolulu Police Department.

With information from the old man, Kaye determines that another item from the toolbox, a key, fits a storage locker at the airport on Molokai. It had been reported that Five-0 would go beyond Oahu this season, so here are two quick scenes on Molokai (that could have been filmed anywhere).

Chin Ho Kelly (Daniel Dae Kim) is confronted in the dead governor's office by the lieutenant governor (Richard T. Jones).

The locker contains grainy, black-and-white video from the private office at the governor’s residence, the very same place where McGarrett was framed for her murder. Danno and Chin Ho race to the residence and find a camera in an old clock before they are interrupted by the lieutenant governor (Richard T. Jones). At least he is identified as the lieutenant governor throughout the episode; wouldn’t he be the governor since his predecessor is dead?

Turns out the newly discovered camera captured a figure appearing behind McGarrett, tasing him, shooting the governor and placing the gun in McGarrett’s hand. Though viewers know it is Wo Fat, the video doesn’t show his face – so he can’t simply be arrested.

But the lieutenant governor does reconstitute Five-0, with two exceptions:

1. The team no longer will have blanket immunity to break the law; and
2. Kono must be cleared by HPD’s Internal Affairs Division before she can return to the team.

Finally, in another whiplash inducing scene at the end, it is revealed that there is, in fact, a mole attached to the Five-0 team. It’s just not Chin Ho, as I speculated in my Season One recap.

Subplots

It also was reported over the summer that character of  Dr. Max Bergman (Masi Oka), the oddball coroner, had been upgraded to a regular. This was confirmed in the Season 2 premier. Max finds an unconscious, bleeding McGarrett in his home and proceeds to treat him and alert Danno and Chin Ho.

“Max,” McGarrett says after regaining consciousness, “the least you can do after patching me up is call me ‘Steve.’”

Max quickly displays his sci-fi geek credentials.

When he suggests a brief car exchange with Danno, we see a tiny model of the USS Enterprise from the original Star Trek on his keychain. Perhaps it’s an homage, since the father of Oka’s character on Heroes was played by George Takei, Mr. Sulu from the original Star Trek.

A VW Thing

Then there is his car: Danno ends up behind the wheel of a VW Thing with the license plate “WARP9.” [Kim occupied the Star Trek universe as well, guest starring on an episode of Voyager. And the actor who plays Papa McGarrett in flashbacks (William Sadler) was a recurring character on Deep Space Nine.]

Max ends up driving Danno’s macho Chevy Camaro.

Yes, the advertisers must have been happy, because product placement is back for Season 2. An early commercial tells us that, “Chevrolet is proud to power Hawaii Five-0.” Later in the episode, a Hawaiian Airlines jet figures prominently in the background as McGarrett climbs out of a helicopter at the Molokai airport. CBS also used the commercial breaks to promote the season premieres of some of its other big shows, such as CSI and Criminal Minds.

Danno’s ex-wife and daughter, last seen boarding a plane to the mainland after Danno failed to show up at the airport, were only referenced in the Season 2 premiere. In discussions among characters, we learn that Rachel’s pregnancy was further along than she’d realized — and that the father is “The Stan,” not Danno. We’re told that she and Grace are returning to Hawaii so Rachel can give her second marriage another chance.

Notes

• Not much is revealed about O’Quinn’s character, other than that he trained McGarrett in the military and was friends with Papa McGarrett for years. He’s unflappable: Told McGarrett escaped from jail, he responds that, “Patience was never his strong suit.” He also shows that he is good with gun, backing up Kono in a chase scene. (And what man wouldn’t back her up, since the writers had her wearing a snug pair Daisy Dukes.)
• While Wo Fat got away, the team did prevent the “last deal” Hesse mentioned – the sale of “dirty bomb” materials to a Eurotrashy dude who Kono shoots dead. But Hesse’s larger plan fails, leaving him dead in his cell.
• On a personal note, I was happy to see McGarrett dispatch one of Wo Fat’s henchmen with a “Book ‘im, Danno.”

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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By Stu Robinson,

Episodes 11 and 12 of CBS’ new Hawaii Five-O reestablish the plot line about the McGarrett Family mystery.

No, not the mystery of sister Mary Ann – who hasn’t been seen since Episode 5 and must be on a milk carton somewhere – but the circumstances behind the deaths of  Steve’s parents. This plot line has its roots in the series’ premiere episode, in which Steve could only listen over the phone as his father was murdered.

In Episode 11, the team races to stop a serial killer who preys upon honeymooners. While viewers never really have a chance to solve the case on their own, the writers at least throw out a few red herrings so that fans can think they’re in the game – at least for a while. The writers also get points for giving the killer a modus operandi that I’ve never seen before. The key to the case is provided by oddball medical examiner Max Bergman (Heroes Hiro Masi Oka).

The main story line is bracketed by scenes in which McGarrett takes Chin Ho into his confidence regarding the mysterious tool box his father left behind and the clues it contained to an investigation Papa McGarret apparently was pursuing. Chino Ho recognizes one clue as old Honolulu Police case number. At the end of the episode, he reports that the case in question was the death of McGarrett’s mother and – though the case file is missing – the nomenclature of the case number was that of a murder investigation. That is a surprise to McGarrett, who believed his mother died in a traffic accident.

Episode 12 involves the return of Victor Hesse, the terrorist who killed McGarrett’s father. Hesse is played by James Marsters, who was Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the end of Episode 1, McGarrett had put a couple of bullets in Hesse, pitching him into the ocean, but Episode 2 pointedly established that the Coast Guard was unable to find the body. Well, he’s BA-ack! And he’s got Chin Ho wired with explosives.

Note: I’m getting a little tired of this scenario. FOX’s Human Target has used it twice in four episodes this season. Here’s a spoiler: The person survives every time. (The two shows also ran ex-wife episodes within two weeks of each other.)

The episode jumps back 24 hours to reveal how Chin Ho ended up wearing an explosive collar. Back in real time, Hesse demands $10 million to spare him. McGarrett obviously doesn’t trust Hesse but figures he must play along in order to get close enough to subdue his quarry.

Of course, there is the matter of obtaining $10 million in cash in a matter of hours. That launches another plot line that is sure to return in a future episode – especially since Hesse tosses the money onto a bonfire, asserting that what he really wants is to see McGarrett’s face as he kills Chin Ho. Moments later, Hesse is neutralized by Kono’s sharpshooting skills, but not before the cash goes up in smoke.

The events involving Chin Ho and Hesse are bracketed by subplot about Danno’s attempt to replicate his idea of a traditional Christmas with his daughter. This allows for the secondary-character appearance of the week as the gigantic shave-ice guy returns to help Danno score a deal on a Santa suit.

A coda to Episode 12 has Hesse receiving a prison visit from a lean, good-looking, well-dressed man named Wo Fat who asks how close McGarrett is to the truth about his father. “Too close,” Hesse replies.

Final Thoughts

• Congratulations to Scott Caan (Danno) for his Golden Globe Nomination for Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini Series or Motion Picture Made for Television.
• Episode 11 offered two glimpses of Hawaiian culture: boar hunting with bow and arrow and spear fishing. It also highlighted inter-island cruises, but I don’t know if this was a formal product placement or not.
• McGarrett has developed a habit of charging onto a scene while loudly identifying himself as “Five-O.” Since this new law-enforcement agency has been around only three months, how are people supposed to know what the heck it is?
• We almost had a “book ‘em, Danno,” but Danno cut McGarrett off.

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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By Stu Robinson,

In their effort to honor America’s veterans, the producers of CBS’s new Hawaii Five-O didn’t take any chances with network schedulers. More than a week before Veterans Day, Episode 7 lands on the deck of the USS Missouri, where an ex-Navy SEAL takes a group of tourists hostage.

Most of the episode takes place in Pearl Harbor, where World War II is bookended by the USS Arizona Memorial, marking the attack that brought America into the conflict, and the “Mighty Mo,” the battleship that hosted the Japanese surrender.

This week’s case, however, also draws attention to the nation’s newest group of veterans. The former SEAL, who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, grabs hostages and demands that police find out who killed his wife. The problem: Before he fled to the Missouri, police had spotted the suspect standing over his wife’s body, holding a bloody knife. Not only that, but his shrink says he’s been suffering blackouts – so, theoretically, he could have killed his wife and not know it.

“I don’t suppose telling him he did it would suffice, huh?” Danno asks.

Of course, McGarrett’s own SEAL instincts tell him something doesn’t smell right, and he is reluctant to serve up the vet to the waiting SWAT team.

“If this guy didn’t kill his wife, he deserves at least a conversation before we go in guns blazing,” he says.

Danno isn’t buying it – “In my experience, when you only have one suspect, he’s usually the one you put in jail” – but he and the rest of the team head off to investigate. Danno and Chin Ho check out the crime scene while Kono sets out to interview the couple’s little girl, who may have witnessed the slaying.

• Kono: “I’ll go see the kid and see if she knows anything because … you know, I’m the woman on the team and you’ll probably ask me to do it anyway.”
• Danno: “Oh no, it’s not because you’re a woman; it’s because you’re a rookie, which is way worse.”

Meanwhile, McGarrett stealthily boards the battleship to confront the hostage taker. But not before a brief exchange of innuendo:

• McGarrett: “I’m going to have my phone on me. But don’t call me; I’ll call you, okay?”
• Kono: “Bet you’ve used that line before.”
• McGarrett: “I’ll initiate contact once I’m in a secure location.”
• Chin Ho: “That one too.”

After climbing aboard the Missouri, McGarrett encounters the ghost of veterans past: Botswain’s Mate 1st Class (retired) Ed McKay, the tour guide who has evacuated most of his tourists but returned for the hostages. Okay, he’s not really a ghost, just actor Robert Loggia with enough eye makeup to make him look like a raccoon. He just knew a ghost: Grandpa McGarrett.

Yes, McKay had enlisted in the Navy at age 16 and served briefly on the USS Arizona with McGarrett’s grandfather (and namesake), who went down with the ship on Dec. 7, 1941. “Tough son of a gun,” he tells McGarrett. McKay explains that officers discovered he was underage and reassigned him to be courier on shore, which was what he was doing when the Japanese attacked. He then launches into a long (by TV standards) soliloquy:

“I could see those explosions. Those men I admired so greatly, they gave their lives for all of us. And I couldn’t do a damn thing for them. I walk past that Arizona Memorial every day, and I am reminded of their sacrifice. The man that you are named after is a real hero. You should be very proud.”

McKay, who admonishes McGarrett that “I know things about this ship that aren’t on your map,” remains in the background the rest of the episode, acting as sort of a guardian angel for our hero.

Well, you don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that ex-SEAL didn’t actually kill his wife, which Danno concedes as the evidence mounts. Of course, he still ends up under arrest for taking the hostages, but there is no “book ‘em” as he’s swarmed by members of the SWAT team. Then, as if to underscore the idea that he’s not really a “bad guy,” just a veteran wounded in service to our country, McGarrett tells the SWAT guys to remove the guy’s handcuffs so he can have a moment with his little girl to explain that he’s sick and will need to go away for a while. The episode ends up with the man holding his daughter on the dock, surrounded by American flags.

Daddy Issues

This was the second consecutive episode to emphasize that McGarrett’s grandfather died in the attack on Pearl Harbor. Further, I believe the character of Ed McKay is meant to be an avatar for all of our fathers and grandfathers.

Also, without giving up a spoiler, let’s just say a daddy issue is central to the resolution of the episode’s plot.

Secondary Characters

Episode 7 was an adrenaline-pumping thrill ride that didn’t have time for secondary characters other than the week’s guest stars.

Even though Kono and Chin Ho make cracks (see above) about McGarrett’s sex life, his naval (navel?) intelligence girlfriend does not appear.  She’s only referenced by Danno as arranging for a fast translation of a Russian-language diary the team discovers. How many times does she have to help the Five-O team solve a crime? And doesn’t she have some actual Navy work to do?

The usually sultry actress Kelly Hu pops up in this episode, seemingly miscast as Laura Hills, the governor’s public-safety liaison. The character, a boxy-suited bureaucrat, appears simply to heighten the story tension by standing impatiently on the dock, itching to unleash her SWAT team.

But at least the governor sent a stand-in. We’ve now gone a couple of episodes without seeing McGarrett’s sister, Mary Ann – we still don’t know why she’s there – or the wacky medical examiner played by the guy from Heroes.

However, the big Hawaiian shave-ice vendor does make his third appearance.

Product Placement

With Danno at the wheel, McGarrett’s muscular Chevy Camaro manages to chase down and head off a taxiing jet.

A lengthy commercial during the show conveniently reminded views that HBO’s miniseries The Pacific was being released on DVD and Blu-ray the very day Episode 7 aired.

On a personal note, I’m getting really sick of that woman in the Hawaiian Airlines commercial. Make another ad, guys!

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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By Stu Robinson,

Apologies for taking so long to post this. It was a busy week in Arizona Four-8.

After what I felt was Season One’s sloppiest episode last week, Hawaii Five-O came back this week with what struck me as the tightest episode yet. There were many twists, but – unlike last week – the viewer still had a chance to guess the result.

This week’s prologue put us in a submarine full of tourists. (I didn’t know there were submarines for tourists, except those of the Disney 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea variety.) Aboard, we find an annoying child being ignored by his cell-phone yelling mother until the following exchange:

Kid: “Mom! A mermaid; a mermaid!”
Mom: [Gasp!]

Following the boffo theme song, we find out the young woman floating upside down in the ocean was the daughter of a U.S. ambassador – and her sister is still missing. This particular diplomat is close friends with the governor (Jean Smart, in possibly her most-extensive appearance yet), so McGarrett, Danno and the rest of the Five-O team are summoned to action.

Very quickly, they are tracing the movements of the diplomat’s daughters, who never returned from a trip to the movies the previous evening. The trail leads to a roofie-reliant lounge lizard, a forced-prostitution ring and a terrorist plot. The intricate narrative moves quickly, which doesn’t leave much time to develop the four main characters: McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin), Danno (Scott Caan), Chin Ho (Daniel Dae Kim) and Kono (Grace Park).

What does this mean? Time to introduce secondary characters, who presumably will make reoccurring appearances as needed.

Turns out we met the first two last week: McGarrett’s sister, Mary Ann (Taryn Manning), and the Navy’s must beautiful satellite-reconnaissance officer, Lt. Catherine Rollins (Michelle Borth).

Yes, in a mere week Catherine has gone from an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf to a convenient post at Pearl Harbor. This episode finds her in bed with McGarrett when he gets the call to action. (Thanks to Danno’s crack powers of observation, we do learn that our hero is a happier guy after getting laid – shocking, I know.)

Later in the morning, Catherine and Mary Ann end up bumping into each other – literally – in the McGarrett kitchen, giving us this classy repartee:

Mary Ann: “Big night last night.”
Catherine: “Hmm?”
Mary Ann: “Old house; thin walls.”
Catherine: “Oh God!”
Mary Ann: “Yeah, you said that a lot.”

Way to go, Steve-0.

We also meet the resident medical examiner, Max Bergman (Masi Oka from Heroes), the most eccentric TV doctor since Mary McDonnell’s surgeon with Asperger’s syndrome on Grey’s Anatomy. (Yes, that Mary McDonnell. In honor of Five-O‘s Grace Park, we’re playing “Six Degrees of Battlestar Galactica.”)

Add in the governor and there are four secondary characters to complement the four leads.

Like previous episodes, this one climaxes with an action sequence in which the Five-O team comes to the rescue at the last possible moment. However, this one was a little easier to follow and slightly more realistic. I didn’t need to rewind my DVR as much as in previous weeks.

Other bits and pieces worth noting:

• Papa McGarrett’s ghost lingers, as Mary Ann discovers the mysterious toolbox from Episode 1.
• McGarrett starts the episode driving a Chevy crossover but is back in his muscular Camaro by the end of the hour. I wonder how the writers will work in the electric Chevy Volt when it hits the market.
• For the second episode in a row, McGarrett calls upon Catherine’s satellite access to locate a quarry. C’mon, writers: The first time it was outrageous; the second, lazy.
• Getting tired of that same Hawaiian Airlines commercial.
• Hawaii Five-O has a Twitter feed (@HawaiiFive0CBS) and hash tag (#H50).

Still, it felt like Hawaii Five-O got back on track this week, which is fortunate because CBS announced Thursday that it has picked up the show for the full season.

###

Stu Robinson, a college friend of the TV Tyrant, is a writer, editor, media-relations practitioner and social-media guy based in Phoenix.

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I rarely root for a series I once loved to end, but an exception could certainly be made for Heroes.

Looks like I could easily get my wish, as Airlock Alpha (once syfy.com, before the SciFi Channel became SyFy) reports that NBC sources say Heroes is being asked to wrap up its entire story by season’s end.

An unidentified source was quoted as saying:

There isn’t much happening with this show in terms of audience, and giving it a ‘final chapter’ feel is something the network is considering to help allow the show to go out with a bang.

As I wrote earlier this season, even the most die-hard fans have been having a hard time staying interested. It’s all unfocused – the storyline’s all over the place, the characters are no longer interesting and they don’t seem to be working toward anything.

Even the disjointed, strike-impaired second season seemed to be working toward something. And last season had a good start before trailing off into “who the hell cares” anymore land.

I would love for Heroes to wrap up at the end of this season and answer these questions/resolve these plotlines:

• Who’s the third Nikki/Tracy triplet and what’s her power. And what’s the story behind their creation?
• Adam Monroe – what time is he REALLY from and how long has he actually lived?
• How far back to the heroes go? How many generations? Why do some of their children have powers and some don’t?
• Why has Peter’s ability to keep previous powers he absorbs gone away? (Or was that just a side effect of his father’s “hug”?)
• What happened to Peter’s Irish girlfriend in the plague-inflicted future that was prevented?
• When is Sylar going to actually figure out who he is, already, and is Matt just crazy and imagining Sylar in his head or did Sylar actually manage to crawl up in there?
• Where is Micah?
• Seriously, where is Micah? And what about his cousin? And the Haitian?
• What about future Hiro with the goatee. If you can’t change the future, as Hiro is finding out, where is Goatee Hiro?
• What is WITH this carnival? They obviously are aware of HRG and Primatech. How many generations do these carnies go back? Actually, you know what? I don’t even care that much about the carnie folk. I kind of wish they hadn’t been introduced, though there were a couple of cool scenes with them, because that just adds a whole new thing they need to answer and I find that to be obnoxious.

I know I’m forgetting some. Please leave your questions you want resolved in the comments. We should send them a letter or something and say, “THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU MUST RESOLVE BEFORE GOING OFF THE AIR. kthanxbai”

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In Heroes’ first season, I enjoyed the roller coaster ride of “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World” and Hiro’s adorable embrace of his superhero-ness.

The Petrelli brothers and their twisted family.

Claire Bear and HRG and the hapless Mrs. Bennett.

Sylar torn between being good and evil.

Matt Parkman struggling to understand and use his powers.

Then there was the bizarre, strike-shortened Season 2 that had potential but just left everyone wondering what the hell happened to Peter’s Irish lass, stuck in some screwed-up, plague-infested alternate future.

Season 3 had its moments but took a left turn to weirdoland with a whole plot where we got to see Angela Petrelli as a little girl in a U.S. internment camp for people with powers. And, of course, Mohinder’s father was there.

And don’t even get me started on Mohinder doing his best Jeff Goldblum impression from The Fly.

I still watch; I can’t seem to help myself.

But the completely insane Sylar-as-Nathan (or is that really Nathan-as-Sylar?) storyline that has finally given Nathan a conscience – oddly enough – and Matt’s struggle against the Sylar inside him is getting on my nerves. And what about the depressed deaf woman who sees music as color?

And don’t get me started on the Carnivale storyline.

We’re no closer to understanding any of the big questions the show has raised, such as:
• Was Adam Monroe really from the past, or was he somehow thrust back into the past and forced to live through hundreds of years with none of his kind?
• How did Angela Petrelli’s generation of mutants find each other?
• What about the generation before Angela Petrelli’s? Were her and the others’ parents also mutants of some sort?
• Where’s Christopher Eccleston?
• Does Hiro’s sister also have a power?
• Why am I still watching?

Seriously, if things don’t start to change soon, I’m just gonna have to give up. And that’s even with tonight’s (SPOILER ALERT!) zombie Sylar coming out of the ground at the end.

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I have to tell you, ABC totally has learned how to do the viral thing with Lost in its roster.

To commemorate the final season, there’s 16 “top designers and artists” who also are fans of the show who have been commissioned “to create artwork celebrating one of the series’ most memorable, and unforgettable, ‘water cooler’ moments.” They are made in series of 300, all are hand-signed and numbered and measure 18×24. Look to cost $50.

Seems as if they’re being rolled out one a week and the first one was Hurley-centric, including nods to the meteor hitting Mr. Cluck’s, Connect 4 and Leonard and the car chase that ended in his capture. It has glow-in-the-dark elements on it, too.

The second was Locke-centric, “Just don’t tell him what he can’t do,” and designed very much in a classic movie-poster style. It’s already sold out.

The most recent one unveiled is the Dharma VW van, made out of flowers.

All the others just have a big ? on them.

Oh, and as io9 pointed out, they’re all being sold by “Ronie Midfew Arts,” which is “likely an anagram for “Widmore Fine Arts.”

Have I mentioned how much I love this show yet how crazy it makes me?

And speaking of Lost:
• TVOvermind has the news that the puppetmaster from Heroes has signed on for Lost’s final season. Not much known about who Eric Doyle will play, though it’s supposed he’ll either be Melky or Russell (see the next bullet point for explanation.
• Dark UFO had some casting info:

[MELKY] Male, 30s to 40s, any ethnicity. Dangerous looking guy that can be surprisingly calm. Runs a seedy chop shop and not someone to be messed with; has handled many dicey situations and is not thrown by anything…NICE CO-STAR

[JENNY] Female, early 30s, any ethnicity. Yuppie, sweet, happy and well off. Never had any problems until she receives heart-breaking news that tears her world apart. While dealing with her personal crisis, she then has to deliver bad news to someone else knowing it will hurt them, too…CO-STAR

[RUSSELL] Male, late 20s to early 40s, any ethnicity. Tough guy who takes no gruff from anyone. Executes orders efficiently but has a nice, compassionate streak that surfaces from time to time…CO-STAR

Now, what “NICE CO-STAR” means as opposed to “CO-STAR,” one can only guess. I keep going back and forth between thinking it means he’s a good guy and thinking it just means it’s a big role or has the potential to come back for more.

Or, of course, none of the above, and Cuse and Darlton knew this would get out, so they’re screwing with us by saying something like that. They’re for the third episode of the season

All this just makes me want Season 6 to come soooo much sooner than January. But knowing it’s the end, I don’t want it to start too soon, because that means it’ll come to an end that much earlier.

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As it is with every year, a whole bunch of science fiction-y shows were canceled at the end of the season, but I have to give it to the networks for trying a bunch of new ones next year.

It was so hard to keep track of the comings and goings during the upfronts, but SciFi Wire thankfully charted it all in a very understandable fashion.

The clear winner, IMHO, is Fox.

Sure, Fox canceled Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, better known as TSCC because it’s a lot freakin’ shorter. But it did keep Dollhouse around for at least another 13 episodes. (Side note: This comic is probably a bit too close to reality for comfort when it comes to how the decision was made.) I’m thinking that Fox didn’t feel like incurring the wrath of the Whedonverse again, whereas TSCC ended at a spot that could full well be the series’ end. (Not that I wouldn’t have loved to see where it would have picked up in the fall.)

Fox also kept Fringe, which is one of my favorite shows. So the net gets brownie points for that. It’s also picked up Human Target and Past Life, each for 13 episodes and for midseason.

Human Target is based on a D.C. comic book and focuses on a guy who goes undercover, basically, as his clients whose lives have been threatened. It was written by Jonathan Steinberg, who was the co-creator of the late Jericho.

I’m not sure I completely understand the premise of Past Life, and the description on Zap2It didn’t help much, but from what I can tell, it’s about a bunch of investigators who solve crimes by dredging up their clients’ long-lost memories. Whether that means memories of dead clients or memories of past lives for solving cold cases or just stuff people have forgotten, I’m not quite clear on. I’m guessing it’s one of the first two, otherwise the whole “science fiction” aspect of it is lost on me.

NBC is second in the science fiction Olympics, though it canceled more sci-fi-ish shows from this season than it has old and new ones put together. Off the schedule: Knight Rider, My Own Worst Enemy, Kings (I still haven’t forgiven them for that decision) and Medium (which CBS decided to pick up).

But it decided to renew Chuck (midseason) and Heroes (really? Talk about a show past its prime, despite it having been around for only 3 seasons) and has three new shows, though two of them are summer series: Day One, The Listener and Merlin.

Day One sounds the most promising to me, what with its post-apocalyptic Melrose Place-ian-ish-ness. Of course, that means it stands an excellent chance of not succeeding.

The Listener is about a paramedic who can read minds, it seems. And Merlin – well, if you can’t guess what it’s about, you need to go back and read King Arthur.

ABC lost more than it’s gained, but it has one of the best sci-fi shows ever: Lost. This is the show’s last season, though, so hopefully one of the new shows will pick up the mantle. Canceled were Cupid, Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies and Life on Mars (which is the only one of the four I cared about; I tried to like Pushing Daisies, but it was just too precious for me).

But it has V, a remake of one of my favorite miniseries ever. I’m sorry the guy originally responsible for it isn’t involved, and I’d sure like to see Michael Ironside in it, but what is he now, 65, 70? I have great hopes for it, especially if they redo the hybrid alien baby and don’t use a really lame puppet.

ABC also is trying out Eastwick and Flash Forward.

Now, Eastwick is based on the John Updike novel The Witches of Eastwick, which was quite memorably adapted into a movie starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon and Jack Nicholson. I tried reading the book at one point but it was a bit too dated and I just couldn’t hack my way through it. I’m willing to give the show a shot, though.

Flash Forward has a lot of promise, though, with a premise in which the entire world blacks out and glimpses 2 minutes and 17 seconds of an undetermined time in each person’s own future. It’s based on a book, whose author is even writing one of the episodes. It’s being written as if it will be five seasons of 22 episodes apiece and could become a worthy successor to Lost, if it catches on.

CBS gave up on two shows: Eleventh Hour and The Ex-List, but kept Ghost Whisperer and snagged NBC’s cast-off Medium. That’s all.

The CW kept Smallville and Supernatural. Though this season is likely to be the final season of SPN, that’s great news they decided to keep it on. But it killed Valentine and Reaper, the latter of which I mourn deeply. I still have three or four episodes on my DVR, so I still have more Reaper to see.

It’s airing the new show Vampire Diaries, though, which I’d imagine might be a good pair with SPN. It’s based on a pre-Twilight series of books, The CW would like you to know, thankyouverymuch. It’s about a girl who can’t decide between two vampire brothers – one good, one evil, of course. They’re battling for her and the souls of all the people in her small town.

So that’s it. Of course, there will be some shows on SyFy, USA, FX, AMC and a whole other slew of acronyms, but these are the big five, so to speak.

Which shows are you looking forward to, and which ones will you miss the most?

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