Welcome to the January 22, 2009 edition of the Carnival of Bauer!!! (been such a long time coming!)

We needed a week to get our act together after last week’s stunning four-hour premiere, but we’re raring to go.

We’ll start off with the man himself, Jack Bauer, who recaps the episode in his inimitable fashion TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 12:00 PM and 1:00 PM posted at Blogs4Bauer. Not sure what everyone’s new nickname is for the season? They’re all here. And as mean as it might seem to call Alison Taylor President Cankles, it’ll still make you giggle.

Next up, you know you missed it – we all did – Adam over at The Jack Sack gives us a 24 picture book, “Renee Walker tracks down a rare DVD.” If you don’t laugh, you have no sense of humor. By the way, President Cankles has much better taste in movies than her husband.

Wesley M. gives us a peek at what 24 would be like if it were, say, a celebreality dating show. With Nina Meyers to boot. Check it out at 24 Shots at Love: The Lost Episode posted at In My Copious Free Time.

Jarett Wieselman waxes poetic about Agent Walker and her Baueristic tendencies – and he’s also loving Janis Gold, whom he dubs the New Chloe, which I would say might possibly be accurate, except that Old Chloe is still around, hello!!! – in his post I’m Loving “24′s” Female Jack Bauer posted at POPWRAP.

Then, there’s me. First off, I’m still all confused about what happened to Agent Walker. Is she dead? Alive? The silent clock, for the first time, may have lied. Bastards. Check out my thoughts on the matter at 24: Silent clock subterfuge? And here’s my overall thoughts on Day 7, after seeing the four-hour premiere.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of carnival of bauer!!! using our carnival submission form. Past and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Bookmark It

I would recap yesterday’s episode of 24, but not much happened.

For some reason, Emerson (whose British accent was nowhere in evidence) punched out the Sangalese bodyguard instead of killing him. The ambassador and his wife almost gave their lives in their panic room until Mrs. Ambassador chickened out and opened the door.

Jack proved he watched Mr. Wizard as a child; Tony said about 6 words; Chloe and Bill were MIA; Larry got stern with Agent Walker; we learned Queens Boulevard is having an affair.

Whoop-de-doo.

Then things got interesting.

Walker got captured, Jack roughed her up (and all the fanboys enjoyed that very much) and then … Emerson orders Jack to kill her.

We know that Jack is very capable of either killing a good person if he has to (Ryan Chappelle, Season 3, and yes, I am fully aware some might not have considered him all that good, but he wasn’t a “bad” guy) or of making it look like he’s killed someone (Nina Meyers, Season 1, before anyone knew she was a bad guy).

So he does his Season 1 thing, sans bullet-proof vest, by warning Walker that she needed to trust him and she’d live. He shoots at her right next to her ear, probably bursting her eardrum (did you see the blood coming from her ear?), she falls over, probably incredibly amazed that she’s still alive.

But then Emerson orders them to bury her. I’m not sure if he just didn’t want the body to be discovered too early or if he just didn’t trust Jack or what.

So Tony and Jack start shoveling dirt onto Walker, who Jack had laid a plastic tarp over. Buried alive, under plastic. Jack shovels the first mound of dirt onto her face.

Silent clock.

See, that’s always meant the person is absolutely, irrevocably dead.

In fact, the reason so many fans believed Tony was still alive for a couple of years was because he never got a silent clock. Edgar – silent clock. Ryan Chappelle – silent clock. George Mason – silent clock. Even Milo got one, and no one could stand him.

But debate on the fact started immediately. While we were liveblogging over at Blogs4Bauer, some of our readers said they didn’t believe she was dead. The killcount is in question here, folks. It’s very important.

But on Twitter last night, and in conversations with friends, the only thing that’s clear is that her status is unclear. Adam from The Jack Sack told me people were saying you could hear her breathing over the silent clock. Does the breathing negate the silent clock?

I posit this: If Agent Renee Walker is still alive, the silent clock no longer means anything. And it degrades the dignity the show gave to its brave characters.

Sure, this is “just a TV show,” I know. Maybe my last paragraph seems a bit over the top. But the silent clock has come to mean something. I’m gonna be really ticked if it doesn’t anymore.

Just sayin’.

Bookmark It

Yes, it’s Jan. 14. And all fans of 24 know what that means:

It’s Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, otherwise known as TLJBD.

In case you missed the link to the FAQ yesterday, I’ll recap the basic behavioral points for the day:

• When you answer even the most simple requests, yell. Or whisper.
• Someone steals your lunch from the office fridge? Threaten family members.
• You’re always running out of time. Always. Going out for lunch? Someone in your group wants to run to the bathroom before leaving the office? WTF? The correct response would be: “There isn’t enough time!” (You may also say, “We’re running out of time!”) before punching someone out and grabbing your manpurse.
• Make sure you have a manpurse with you at all times. If you’re a woman, switch to a manpurse for the day. You may call this manpurse (sometimes known as a messenger bag) a “[your name here] Sack” (i.e., Jack sack, Bill sack).
• When your boss asks you to do something outside the usual parameters of your job respond, “I’m gonna need a hacksaw.”
• Use your cell phone instead of your office phone all day. Speak to no one on a land line. If people want to fax you something, tell them to send it to your phone/PDA/smartphone. (Your phone doesn’t accept faxes, e-mails or large files? Just pretend, it’s TLJBD, for heaven’s sake!)
• When you go to a meeting, start talking about the perimeter.
• Say “Dammit” every 7.6 seconds, at least.
• Someone couldn’t get his or her work done on time? Accuse that co-worker of being a mole. If the person denies it, threaten to call in Burke.

Need more TLJBD fun?

The Jack Sack
Blogs4Bauer
(more to come as the day goes on)

Bookmark It

Otherwise known as TLJBD, Jan. 14 every year is Talk Like Jack Bauer day.

You therefore have free license to say “Dammit!” every five seconds, yell, “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!” when asked to do any task by your boss and respond to everything your colleagues say with, “Copy that!”

You also can shoot people in the  knee with a staple gun and, as we learned already this season on 24, a pen can be used to puncture someone’s eardrum.

Here’s the FAQ from the first TLJBD, which was Jan. 15, but that was years ago already. You’ll note the address in the graphic with that post has B4B’s old web address – don’t go there, you have to go to http://Blogs.4Bauer.com

Come back tomorrow for all the TLJBD goodness you can get, including links to several other blogs that participate annually.

Bookmark It