This first episode back after being away for eons – before Thanksgiving? I can’t even remember anymore – was actually a rather lame “let’s catch everyone up on what they missed and how we’ve changed the plotline so we can wrap everything up now that we’ve been canceled” show.

Now, I figured out relatively early on that Mr. Chauffeur was lying to Ms. Tabloid about the Darlings. But the episode still seemed torturous.

It was catching us up on what had happened, except it was mostly lies. What the tabloid queen was saying was all true, but we didn’t get to see any of that. We saw all the made-up stuff, which was all borderline insane. (Look, if you didn’t figure out by the time Juliet Darling’s story was finished that it had all been made up, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you. And a tunnel in Jersey City, too, for that matter.)

So lemme see if I understand what’s REALLY happening:

• Juliet Darling is in a mental institution.

• Leticia Darling has been arrested for violating parole and tried to flee the country after all her friends ditched her.

• Nick George has been earning his pay.

• Karen Darling is still marrying Simon, even though they were both spying on each other and Karen’s still in love with Nick.

• Patrick Darling subpoenaed his father (or did he? I had trouble keeping track of which parts were lies and which parts were truth there) or is having some sort of having a really big problem with dad, probably having to do with Carmelita.

• Jeremy Darling’s not doing anything.

• We still have no real idea who actually killed Nick’s father, Dutch.

And if there weren’t just three more episodes left, I wouldn’t bother finding out the answer to that last question.

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