Do not ever put money down on my Supernatural predictions, as I am almost always wrong. I figured the AU storyline would be wrapped up this week, instead, that one was expanded, and our little Colonel Sanders of a devil ended up wrapping up his.

But first!

LUCY & JO IN HEAVEN

Lucifer is being a whiny brat, sittin’ up on the Throne of Heaven, wanting people (angels) to just fall at his feet and worship him simply because he sits on the throne. Jo is all, Dude, You Need To Actually Do Stuff, like fix Heaven and make angels and stuff.

Feeling that maybe she is right, Lucy puts on s spiffy suit, listens to some prayers, which he finds irritating, but is excited about an exorcism he overhears. He goes down to Earth, and interrupts a couple of priests trying to exorcise a demon out of a little, pea soup covered girl. Hee. Lucy shows, scolds “Anthony” for screwing with the priests, and introduces himself, expecting some gratitude for his help. Instead, the priests freak out, and begin yelling and splashing Holy water here and there, and Lucy POOFS them into two puffs of black smoke.

Feeling even more defeated, Lucy mopes some more on the throne, and decides that maybe he should focus on fatherhood. Jo – losing her patience –  tells him to get it together and fix Heaven, and he finally confesses that he lied about being able to restore angel wings and make new angels. Jo is rightly pissed, gets choked a little, and storms off, leaving Lucifer alone in his throne room.

This will only end badly, I suspect, as Lucy doesn’t take shunning well.

SAM & CASTIEL & GABRIEL IN THE BUNKER

Sam is bringing Cas up to speed with a walk-and-talk through the bunker, and Cas is highly irritated that not only is Dean over in the AU, but he is there with Ketch. They enter the room that contains a cowering Gabriel, and they realize that he is more damaged than they had initially assumed. And even the offer of giving him grace makes him whimper and scramble away from them.

After leaving and regrouping, Sam and Cas come back to Gabriel’s room, only to find every surface covered in Enochian. Cas begins reading, and it tells the story of how Gabriel fooled everyone about his death, that he had been living in Monte Carlo with porn stars (heeheehee), until Asmodeus’ minions found and captured him. He has been tortured and milked for grace by Asmodeus ever since. Gabriel’s grace is the reason for Asmodeus’ abilities, and Sam and Cas at least know that Gabriel’s mind is still intact, even if he is too traumatized to talk.

Castiel tries some angel healing, but his powers aren’t enough to help the arch angel. Sam gives one of his patented I Understand You speeches, and something finally comes alive inside Gabriel. Which is great! Except that this little hit of blue-eyes glowing trips Asmodeus’ “blood” connection, and now he knows where Gabriel has gotten off too. Which is bad!

Now that Gabriel has been roused from his stupor, he takes the previously offered grace, and quickly begins feeling more like himself. Sam’s phone rings, and unlike me who NEVER answers my phone when there is an unknown number, he answers, and it is an angry Asmodeus asking for the return of his Gabriel. When Sam is all NOPE, he threatens their lives and says he will burn the bunker to ash.

Slightly shook by this threat, Sam hurries off to strengthen the warding, while Cas stays with Gabriel. Within minutes the lights flicker an the warding begins to fail. Sam and Cas run out to fight the demons who precede Asmodeus, but are quickly dispatched as Gabriel is nabbed and dragged out to the main room of the bunker. Asmodeus tells Gabriel he has been bad, and orders the demons to take him back to the asylum, and he turns his attention to Sam and Cas, using his powers to slowly torture them.

Seeing his champions being slowly squeezed to death, Gabriel goes full arch angel, wings and all, tosses the demon minions off of him, and then SETS ASMODEUS ON FIRE.

I was not expecting this, but it is not unusual for Supernatural to take out the annoying big bad a few episodes before the end of the season. I just thought it would be Michael, not Asmodeus. But, in hindsight, I am guessing they have other plans for Michael, which I will not lay out here, as it is very possible that I am super wrong.

Anyhoo! Sam and Cas finish filling Gabriel in on all that is going on, and as is Gabriel’s way, he takes a hard pass on helping with any of it. He is sure they can handle it without him, and flutters his newly revived ass right out of there, much to Sam and Castiel’s consternation.

DEAN & KETCH & CHARLIE(!!!) IN THE AU

The very first character that generally gets yelled out at conventions when people ask who they want back on the show, is Charlie. As soon as they told us that there would be some familiar faces from the past in the AU, there have been rumblings “We wanna see Charlie!” And when Felicia Day made a big noise about appearing on The Magicians, and how excited she was to be on that show, many of us were unsure if we would ever see Charlie again.

Excellent keeping of the secret, bitches! I saw her hair hanging out the back of that bag on her head, and I let my heart leap a little. That looks like red hair! It is? Could it be? Dean and I shared a moment, I tell ya.

Ketch keeps Dean from storming the bridge and trying to rescue Charlie right then and there. Ketch is an ass, but he is completely correct in holding Dean back. They overhear that Charlie knows where Jack and Mary might be, and that is all Dean needs to head out after the angels and Charlie, and plan a prison break.

On the way, while Ketch is practicing his forest stealth skillz, Dean gets shot by a grubby dude. Dean kicks his ass until he gives up the location of the prison camp, and then knocks his ass out, and Ketch grabs his bag of goodies, which include a host of angel-killing bullets.

As they trudge on through the gorgeous snow-covered forest (way to take advantage of shooting in snow, show. These scenes are stunning), Dean looks terrible then collapses! (Excellent collapse by Jensen here. That kind o

f thing is really hard to fake, and he did it so well.) Ketch runs to his side, and discovers that the bullet was most likely poisoned, and hurries to whip up a salve that will counteract the poison.

On an alternate world for a couple of hours, and Ketch is already saving Dean Winchester’s life. It doesn’t take long, does it Ketch, to fall in love with Dean Winchester? It’s okay, we know exactly how you feel! And when Ketch pushes to get the story on our world Charlie, Dean finally gives in, and breaks all of our hearts as he takes complete responsibility for Charlie’s death.

I love that this show has such deep, emotional roots. Dammit, don’t make me cry, Dean Winchester!!!

Anyhoo!! After stumbling through the forest, Dean weak but recovering, Ketch playing inquisitor and nurse maid, they finally make it to the silo, where Charlie is being tortured, and then sentenced to death in front of all the other prisoners. As Charlie is dragged out and tied to the head-choppin’ pole, Dean lobs a grenade into the middle of it all, and then him and Ketch begin taking out camo-clad angels left and right with their cache of angel-killing bullets. They get almost all of them, except for the dick leader, who flutters out of there post haste.

Dean and Ketch tell Charlie about where they’re from, and how they’ve come for Jack and Mary, and how Dean and Charlie were besties in their world. Charlie is happy to hear that our Charlie liked chicks. Charlie is finally convinced that their story is legit, between incredulous “Your mother’s?”, when they arrive at the quickly disappearing door back to our earth. While Dean wants her to come back with him, as Michael and his minions are hot on her tail, she says she is staying. The AU is her home, and she has friends that are in danger. Ketch also insists on staying, no doubt on his single-minded journey to find Mary and redeem himself, because Ketch loves Mary Winchester, ya’ll!!

Dean is not happy that both of these jokers want to stay, but when the dick angel and his replenished angel minions arrive, Charlie and Ketch give Dean cover, after telling him to get whomever he can back ASAP to fight Michael, and he ducks back through the rift.

THE BUNKER

Dean gets back just as the rift to the AU closes, meeting Sam and Castiel in the main room, dead demon minions still decorating the joint. When Dean is informed that Asmodeus is dead (yay!), and that Gabriel is back to his old self (yay?), he is excited, and he informs the guys that the AU has a Charlie, and she knows where Jack and Mary are.

Then Sam drops the bomb: Gabriel has skipped, his grace is all used up, and there is no current way to get back to the AU. Dean is decidedly unhappy. You can’t blame him for saying this: “If we can’t open the door, then I should have never come back! Son of a bitch! Every time! Every time we get close, it always falls apart. Every freakin’ time.”

That is a little hyperbolic, Dean, but I get it. Saving the world is HARD.

NEXT!! Babysitting reapers!!!