If they are going to bring Wayward Sisters to series – which I would be shocked if they don’t – they have to get Donna to Sioux Falls. This episode is the way to do it.

At first I thought this would be one of the very rare instances where the monster was a person. The cold open is creepy, and has a Hanscum finding herself in a heap of trouble. After her credit card not working, being sexually harassed by the cashier, freaked out by a creepy window washer guy, and then suffering a flat tire on a lonely highway, she is abducted by… someone.

Desperate and heartbroken, Donna calls the beautiful boys for help, even though they don’t normally work on missing person cases. But because it’s Donna, practically crying over her missing niece Wendy, Sam and Dean immediately head out. As they should!

BTW, Sam is suffering from an epic case of CrankyPants.

Turns out that Wendy Hanscum was taken by a group of monsters that abduct people and sell their parts on online auction sites for monsters who are living undercover. Quite clever, actually, if you can get past the actual horror of it. Something that Donna’s boyfriend Doug, has a real problem doing.

Can you blame him? I mean, I know after all these years we expect people to step up and be heroes in these situations. We have met a lot of people who have stiffened their spines in the face of heretofore unknown horror, but I suspect most people would do exactly what Doug did. Look around and give a big fat NOPE to it all, and peace the eff out.

Especially after having a vampire, a creature you had no idea was real until they slit their wrist, fed you their blood, and turned you. Then given the cure after you try and eat your girlfriend. It’s bound to shake a person.

I would probably be out after that too. Unless Dean was there. He might be able to get me to join the fight. 😀

Okay, so the “real” FBI agent, who helped track down the location of the auction and dismembering site, turns out to be the ringleader, and just as fake FBI as Sam and Dean! And, he has sent everyone to the wrong location!

After bonking Sam on the head, he drags him off to the actual site, and does the I Know Who You Are thing, and the Dean Ain’t Gonna Save You thing, which lets us know that everything will be all right.

Donna shoots the vampire who turned Doug in the knee, and finagles the real auction site location out of him. As Dean races Baby to the new creepy, abandoned building, Donna pours the vampire cure down Doug’s throat in the back seat.

Sam is tied to a gurney as the Fake FBI guy starts the auction for bits and pieces of Sam Winchester.

First off is his liver! Which goes for a measly five grand. But then, Sam Winchester’s heart goes for half a million dollars!!! Don’t you think, somewhere in the corner of his mind, Sammy is kind of impressed that his very own heart would go for that much? Just me? Fine.

Just as Sam is about to be executed live online, Dean shows up and kills the bad guy, just in the nick of time!

Thanks, Nick!!

Back in the motel, Doug calmly freaks the eff out, and breaks up with Donna right in front of Sam and Dean. It is awful. No one wants to see Donna, of all people, be that sad.  And then Sam rubs a little salt in the wound by telling Donna that that’s the breaks, so suck it up, lady. (I’m paraphrasing.)

It’s so cold that even Dean is all:

Sam begs to differ! Our ever optimistic Sammy has finally been pushed over the edge, and is doing what my Mom does when being accused of being a Negative Nancy. He claims to be a realist, stating that after all the awful, all of it ends one way. Bloody.

He’s (probably) not wrong, but it is jarring hearing Sam talking like this. Jarring to both me and Dean.

And now that Donna’s boyfriend – who did call her a hero, btw – has broken up with her, it’s a perfect time to pack up her life and move to Sioux Falls to lick her wounds among her fellow bad asses.

Next! I know exactly who is in this episode, but I am not gonna spoil it for y’all who don’t know. Enjoy!