GAH! This is a hard one, partly because there is a lot in it. But TXF were never really easy, and that is one of the reasons why I love it so.

There are two parts to this one, the Monster of the Week, and Scully dealing with the heart attack and then passing of her mother. Both story lines mush up together once Mrs. Scully passes, and Dana tells Mulder that she had to go to work, Right.Now.

This is obviously one of the episodes that were shuffled from the original order, as they cut out the dialogue that we see in the previews, with Scully and Mulder saying “We used to.” after the “You guys handle the spooky cases.” line. Also the shot of their badges, and the amusing crossing of the flashlight beams into an ‘X’, signalling the first use of their iconic flashlights, and the forming of an ‘X’ by the flashlights, borrowed from one of the movie posters, I think. (I’m winging it here, I apologize if my memory is faulty. It’s been a long time!!)

Anyhoo, I am saving all of these episodes on my DVR and intend on watching them in the original order to see if Chris Carter is right about this shuffling, or not. Just curious.

As Mulder and Scully just get rolling on the case of the HUD employee ripped apart in his own office, Scully gets a call from her brother, William, Jr. The first of a couple instances of Scully seeing her caller ID as “William”, the name of her son she gave up for adoption. The only time it doesn’t happen is when her estranged brother Charlie finally calls.

We also get another round of “I’m here.” this time via Mulder when he shows up to the hospital to check in on Scully. He blathers on about the case, maybe because he doesn’t know what to say, or maybe because he is just that obsessed with work, but that’s not what Dana wants to talk about. She has lots of questions, about the necklace her mom has been wearing, and why did her mom change her living will. The heartbreaking moments when Dana, desperate to have her mom acknowledge her, only to have her mom mention her estranged son Charlie, and when she awakes, she sees Mulder and mentions their son William. Watching Scully’s heart break as she does what she can to get one more moment with her dying mother, only to have her be ignored is almost unbearable. When the hospital staff comes to take her mothers body for the organ donation, Scully has finally had enough, and insists that they return to Philly to work the case.

Who were the two naval officers that were with Mrs. Scully when she changed her living will? WHO WERE THEY? (I have questions too, Scully!!)

We get some really tender moments between Mulder and Scully, and Anderson and Duchovny nail all those emotions. Grief, love, loyalty, consolation and loss, making those scenes some of the deepest scenes yet. And once the case is over, we get yet another awesome moment with Mulder and Scully, Dana’s mom’s ashes at her feet. I don’t have kids and I haven’t lost a parent, but these two, sitting on that log on the beach, feeling all the loss and guilt of their decisions, I feel it too, and we know that these two will always be in each others hearts. It is all this ‘shipper needs as far as their relationship goes, and leaves open the possibility that maybe these two will at least take a peek into the life of their child they most certainly had to give up.

What happens when we pack up the garbage and leave it on the curb? How easy is it to just forget the things we have sent away? Humans are nothing if not resilient, and we are really good at rationalizing our choices so we can get out of the bed in the morning, but sometimes it is good to sit, hopefully with someone we love, and ponder those questions, even if we don’t have the answers.

NEXT! Mulder and Scully meet their youthful counterparts, much to Scully’s amusement, if the promos tell us anything.

Picture and gifs courtesy of the Fox network X-Files tumblr.